I used to worry, ok I still worry, how my son is being affected by the lack of his father's presence. He's not in the picture, has never been a part of my son's life, and insists on having no physical contact with him. He was abusive to me in the past, and I've had a fear if he ever did have contact with my son there would be more abuse. For now this is not an immediate concern, but there is the possibility of it coming up.
What I'm more concerned about now is the mental and emotional harm my son may be experiencing from the sporadic correspondence by mail from his father. Almost none of it is in regard to my son, and I have made every effort to keep the issues between his father and I to myself. It is impossible to keep everything from him thought, they know when something's not right. Children's instincts are so strong, and they are so protective.
I was reminded of this from a post at My Adventures in Mommyland.
I've had almost ten years of worry and fear about the issues of how my son's father, his absence, and my attitude about him have affected my son. I left a comment about how we cannot control or protect our children from every hurt, and again I'm reminded that worrying about will not help either.
All we can do for our children is pray and make sure to always let them know we are here for them.
Sometimes being a single parent really stinks, but I'm so thankful God has a plan. He knows and cares about our every situation. Just as He has always taken care of me, He will be there for my son.
That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you (and your children) far more valuable to Him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?Matthew 6:24-34 emphasis added
photo credit: Elvert Barnes
I feel for you as a single parent. My mom was in that situation (single after my dad left us), and I know she struggled with feeling like she should force a relationship with our dad. I don't know that there is a good answer. I believe, for us, it would have better if it had not been pushed. I think the best gift we can give our children (like you said) is for them to feel secure with us and with God's love for them. That will give them the firm foundation they need to deal with the rest.
ReplyDeleteLynda, despite all the worrying and the tough road you must be on as a single parent, your son is blessed with a loving mother who knows the Lord and is trying to follow His will. God will take care of you and your son and the fact that you know and love our Perfect Father, will help your son and you in the ups and downs in life. You are touching your son's life with all your gifts and love and I hope your son will realize what a gift you are to him and vice versa :)
ReplyDeleteMy sister is a single parent and my niece has a completely absent father. But she is surrounded by people who love her and she has never really wanted to know her father except for a brief period in high school.
ReplyDeleteWhen my husband goes on deployment in 18 months for 4-6 months I will get to fully understand the magnitude of parenting alone. Honestly I am scared and over whelmed at the thought of doing everything on my own.