My birthday wish

Thank you to my friends and family who sent me happy birthday wishes.  I am so blessed.  Of course my cake would have many more candles than the one in the photo, but birthdays are not so much about the years as the lessons we've learned along the way and the people who have touched our lives.

When I was pondering what to write today it occurred to me how different I am from who I was last year, the year before that, and the years before that.  There was a time when the shy, introverted me would have become nauseous just thinking about blogging.

I am humbled by those who are more creative, more patient and understanding, and those who take a stand and are not wavered.  I'm in awe of those who attack a project with single-minded gusto; failure is not an option.  They open themselves up to be judged and critiqued without a deprecating thought.

For the past year and a half I've come out of my shell to share with you from my heart, but I've still held back.  It's funny how looking back over the years I realize how much fear I've been living with.  Fear of ruffling feathers...  fear of taking a stand...  fear of failing at something I really love to do.

2011 was my year to "reclaim" my life.  Caring for my mother was draining me.  Don't get me wrong I love my mom, and I would do it all over again, but my son needs me more than my mom does.

It also became clear to me I've been fearful of sharing my years of dealing with depression, PTSD, and the abuse I survived.  Domestic Violence has always been something I feel does not get the attention it should.

There is so much misunderstanding about domestic violence that victims become stereotyped.  Because of this victims endure more pain and separation from the very people who can make a difference in their lives, help them find the strength within themselves to become survivors rather than victims.

If I'm rambling I apologize, but it is my birthday so I can get away with it this time, right. ;)  Anyway, I wanted to share one last story with you.

When I was 12 or 13 years old I was walking through a corn field.  It was Fall and almost harvest time.  The corn was the kind specifically grown for feed.  It was all dried out and withered.  I tried to imagine the cattle that would be eating the grain, and then in turn the beef that would be on someone's table.  (As you can see I'm not a vegetarian, and I'm very thankful to God for providing us with such a wonderful delicacy.)  But I digress...

Walking through that field with poems and stories running through my young mind, I never dreamed I'd one day have so many experiences to write about.  At the time I barely had enough confidence to share my writing with my teachers.  Now I pray everyday to share those experiences, those stories, to touch just one heart.

That is my birthday wish.  To share, to touch someone's heart.

Although my words will wither and fade like the grass and flowers, and none of us can go back to a different time to dream of a different ending to our life, we can hold on to hope that what we do will bring glory to God.