My parents were married 50 years ago yesterday. April fools day? Yes, and I have considered the parallel between the meaning of the day and my parents rocky marriage, which finally led to divorce. But, they did not believe in luck, good or bad, nor did they believe their marriage would have been any different had they picked another date.
They were married in The Little Brown Church in the Vale in Nashua Iowa. My father in his best suit and my mother in a light blue two piece dress and hat, very Jackie Kennedy style. They were both happy, and ready to start their new life together.
Over the years my father had issues with employment. He didn't have much confidence in himself which meant his dream of becoming a radio DJ never materialized. Basically, he gave up. Finally he settled on a truck driving career which created more tension on my parents' already fragile relationship.
Their financial situation fluctuated with the amount of time my father would stay at one job or another. They also moved a lot with 4 daughters in tow. It wasn't until I was 10-11 years old when my mother dug in her heels and said we weren't moving anymore.
With every move my sisters and I were pulled out of one school and placed in another. You can imagine as a child this was difficult on so many levels. One positive in all this was we always stayed in the same 2 school districts. I started grade 1, 3, and 5 in a school in one town, then we'd move mid-year to finish and finally stayed in the other town.
When I was very little I had pale blond hair, I made friends easily, and was in the "popular" group for a while. Then about 5th grade I became more introverted, and I experienced a growth spurt. My arms and legs started growing faster than the rest of me. I became a lanky, tall, giraffe of a girl with dishwater colored hair.
On the other hand, my sisters seemed to have all the personality. My oldest sister was the athlete, my next older sister was the artist, and my younger sister was always the center of attention. We were different in every sense of the word, but I loved my sisters all the more for those differences.
I was in 7th grade when my father finally left us for good and filed for divorce. He had always been away as a truck driver, so it wasn't his leaving that affected me. It was during that year of adjusting to not having my father around at all that I realized something about cultural diversity and my ability to adjust well with others.
We all know about school clicks. As adults we still tend to separate ourselves from others in clicks. Whether because of specific interests, financial standing, religion, etc. there always seem to be something, even subconsciously, that makes us separate ourselves into clicks.
Well 7th grade opened a door of opportunity for me to be a member of the "popular" group. Maybe it was because my older sister was making headlines (literally) in sports, or maybe it was because of my magnetic personality. Anyway, for a while I followed the rules and fit in, but it wasn't long until I made friends outside the group with some of the "misfits". You can imagine the ostracism I received for befriending these outsiders. I didn't care though, and felt it wasn't necessary to "fit in" to some kind of mold the popular crowd wanted to put me in.
I also enjoyed the mix of ethnic diversity in our school. There was a group of Hispanic girls I rode the bus with. We talked often, laughed, and got along quite well. Most of their last names were Chacon, or they were related to the Chacons. There were quite a few of them in town. They had their own click, and not many Caucasians were allowed in the group. They were fun and interesting girls, and I enjoyed spending time getting to know them.
Some of the "misfits" didn't like that I was spending time with the Chacons. I was kicked out of the misfits group and really became an independent or freelance individual. By the end of the year I had officially been part of each social group/click in the school.
At yearbook signing I was thrilled to have every girl from my school sign my book. It didn't matter which click they were from they made their way over to me and asked to sign it. One of my Hispanic friends gave me the distinction of "Chicano of the Year." The most amazing part, as each group was mixing with other groups around me they started asking each other to sign yearbooks. In a small way I had opened a door that united all the girls in my school.
This was a valuable lesson and occasionally as an adult I have failed to remember what I learned from that year. But then there are moments, like throughout the blogosphere or homeschooling community, the lesson is brought back to me.
We all have so much to share, and we can all learn from each other. What a great adventure this life is.
They were married in The Little Brown Church in the Vale in Nashua Iowa. My father in his best suit and my mother in a light blue two piece dress and hat, very Jackie Kennedy style. They were both happy, and ready to start their new life together.
Over the years my father had issues with employment. He didn't have much confidence in himself which meant his dream of becoming a radio DJ never materialized. Basically, he gave up. Finally he settled on a truck driving career which created more tension on my parents' already fragile relationship.
Their financial situation fluctuated with the amount of time my father would stay at one job or another. They also moved a lot with 4 daughters in tow. It wasn't until I was 10-11 years old when my mother dug in her heels and said we weren't moving anymore.
With every move my sisters and I were pulled out of one school and placed in another. You can imagine as a child this was difficult on so many levels. One positive in all this was we always stayed in the same 2 school districts. I started grade 1, 3, and 5 in a school in one town, then we'd move mid-year to finish and finally stayed in the other town.
When I was very little I had pale blond hair, I made friends easily, and was in the "popular" group for a while. Then about 5th grade I became more introverted, and I experienced a growth spurt. My arms and legs started growing faster than the rest of me. I became a lanky, tall, giraffe of a girl with dishwater colored hair.
On the other hand, my sisters seemed to have all the personality. My oldest sister was the athlete, my next older sister was the artist, and my younger sister was always the center of attention. We were different in every sense of the word, but I loved my sisters all the more for those differences.
I was in 7th grade when my father finally left us for good and filed for divorce. He had always been away as a truck driver, so it wasn't his leaving that affected me. It was during that year of adjusting to not having my father around at all that I realized something about cultural diversity and my ability to adjust well with others.
We all know about school clicks. As adults we still tend to separate ourselves from others in clicks. Whether because of specific interests, financial standing, religion, etc. there always seem to be something, even subconsciously, that makes us separate ourselves into clicks.
Well 7th grade opened a door of opportunity for me to be a member of the "popular" group. Maybe it was because my older sister was making headlines (literally) in sports, or maybe it was because of my magnetic personality. Anyway, for a while I followed the rules and fit in, but it wasn't long until I made friends outside the group with some of the "misfits". You can imagine the ostracism I received for befriending these outsiders. I didn't care though, and felt it wasn't necessary to "fit in" to some kind of mold the popular crowd wanted to put me in.
I also enjoyed the mix of ethnic diversity in our school. There was a group of Hispanic girls I rode the bus with. We talked often, laughed, and got along quite well. Most of their last names were Chacon, or they were related to the Chacons. There were quite a few of them in town. They had their own click, and not many Caucasians were allowed in the group. They were fun and interesting girls, and I enjoyed spending time getting to know them.
Some of the "misfits" didn't like that I was spending time with the Chacons. I was kicked out of the misfits group and really became an independent or freelance individual. By the end of the year I had officially been part of each social group/click in the school.
At yearbook signing I was thrilled to have every girl from my school sign my book. It didn't matter which click they were from they made their way over to me and asked to sign it. One of my Hispanic friends gave me the distinction of "Chicano of the Year." The most amazing part, as each group was mixing with other groups around me they started asking each other to sign yearbooks. In a small way I had opened a door that united all the girls in my school.
This was a valuable lesson and occasionally as an adult I have failed to remember what I learned from that year. But then there are moments, like throughout the blogosphere or homeschooling community, the lesson is brought back to me.
We all have so much to share, and we can all learn from each other. What a great adventure this life is.
Character is simply habit long enough continued. – Plutarch
Ah Lynda! Every post I read of yours makes me like you that much more. I too tend to lean toward the underdogs. I have never been part of the popular crowd, nor have I wanted to be. I think it's kind of in my blood. I love how the situations life hands us forms us into who we're supposed to be.
ReplyDeleteHere is my post for you:
http://hessesmadhouse.blogspot.com/2011/05/woman-of-noble-character-week-8.html
Thanks again for providing this fun blog parade. It's been so inspiring!