Adjustment, a little easier for some than others

Do you think the seed of this palm tree knew what adjustments it would need to make to survive?

Did I have any idea how I would have to adjust to caring for my mother 24/7 as she slowly lost her health, her sight, and her mind.  I can honestly answer no, no one has any idea what could be ahead for them much less adjust to the difficulties life can sometimes bring.

On Monday morning, May 30, around 3:30 am I was awakened by the sound of my mother's walker hitting the door frame.  This happens quite often due to her blindness, and the fact my bedroom doorway is just inches from hers makes it almost impossible for her to move around the house without me knowing.  I'm always trying to stay aware of her movements anyway.  She has fallen before and although it would be best she call me from her room to help her, she is very independent.

I'd only gotten about an hour and half of sleep, so I was a little slow in moving to get up.  By the time I came around she was in my doorway telling me she had phoned a friend to discuss her pain.  (I've had several conversations informing her that her friend does not appreciate these middle of the night phone calls, and they just could not happen anymore.)  

We make our way into the dining room still discussing what she had done when there is a knock on the front door.  Upon opening it, I find two police officers standing there looking at me.  They ask about my mother and I turn to look at her. (This also has not been the first time she has dialed 911 while I slept.)  The bewildered look on my face went unnoticed by all as the officers enter our home to check my mom.

Minutes later there were paramedics in our living room, and they were looking her over as I tried to become wallpaper.  Soon they were asking if she wanted to be transported to the hospital.  I stood there dumbfounded and looked questioningly at her.  The last time this had occurred I told her she would not be coming home she would have to be moved into a nursing home.  Please understand that I felt her choice to take these drastic steps constituted her agreement that I was unable to see to her care and she needed more than I could give her.

I reminded her of our understanding, but still she nodded to the paramedics choosing to go to the hospital.

She was there for a few hours and they wanted to release her.  The doctors could find nothing out of the ordinary to her already deteriorated condition.  The only thing they could do was give her some morphine for the pain.  I advised the hospital staff that she had nowhere to go, and asked if they could help me get her into a nursing home.

They argued with me saying there was nothing they could do.  I had already learned my mother's rights and knew they could not release an ambulatory elderly person to the streets.  She was no longer in my custody, and I was crying out for their help.
 
Now before you consider me a cold-hearted person you have to understand a few things about my mother.  She has always been a stubborn, hard-headed individual, and she was slowly getting worse because of the dementia.  There had already been incidents where she had endangered herself, my son, and myself.  My mother wouldn't listen to her doctors, myself, or anyone.  I saw no other way to handle the situation.  My sisters had even tried to get me to move her to a nursing home earlier, but I knew she wouldn't go unless forced to.

The hospital staff finally understood, and did everything they could to help.  Two hours later they found a place to take her.  It was only temporary, but at least she would have the proper care she needed.

The next day I was able to take her to a permanent place, and after a complete examination other medical issues came to light that made this decision a little easier for me to accept.  In some ways the previous months of battle in my mind and heart over putting my mom in a nursing home were preparation for the peace I could now have.  God had worked everything out, and His plans are so much better than our own.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 5:6-11

So, now the adjustments of life continue.  The next few weeks I'll spend packing, moving, and seeing to the needs of my son and I.  Unfortunately, school will be put on hold until we get settled.  And I know my mother is in very capable hands.  I'll visit often to make sure she knows I'm still here for her, and I truly love her.

She has begged to come home, even promised to be better, but it is my prayer she will soon learn to enjoy her new beautiful surroundings and take advantage of the additional help she is getting.

I would like to thank all those who have been so kind and supportive over the past few years, reading your comments has made a very difficult situation more bearable.  Your words have given me strength and helped me keep my eyes where they need to be focused.  So many times I've wanted to give in to the exhaustion, to give up sooner on my mother for the freedom I now have. Your understanding has lessened the guilt I try so hard to fight.

I cannot thank my sisters enough.  I tried and worked hard to keep our mom out of a nursing home, but in the end it was you who made me see God wanted me to let go.  Thank you for letting me know I did not give up on her, I did enough.  And just so you know it was God, not me, that got me through the last five years.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails."  1 Corinthians 13:4-7