Peace, be still... a new song

I didn't know what to do at first,  everything was so different.

The house was quiet.  I was getting regular sleep, meal planning for only two, focusing on my son's needs, taking care of my own needs...

How is it possible life could have so many changes all at once?

Feelings and emotions come like waves... Guilt, happiness, panic, freedom, sorrow, gratefulness...  Do I laugh or cry...  scream and rail?

My mind takes over.  The storm of emotions are pushed away.  After all I'm an adult, and I cannot afford to loose it now.  I must put things right.

I must move on.  There is a job to find.  School should be planned for and started soon.

My mother still needs me to keep it together.  There is no passing the baton for her welfare.  Daily calls and weekly visits are required and expected.  Scheduling for everything will have to be done.

Papers need to be organized... stuff needs to be gone through...  room needs to be made for our new life.

Responsibility!!!

Though the load is no longer fully on my shoulders there is a demand to take control.  Feelings of spiraling down and getting lost in the muck are strong.

Wave upon wave of emotions and thoughts swirl around.  They seem to cause destruction and turmoil, but instead there is a washing away of the old.

New, shiny, clean surfaces appear...  the old stagnant, rotting has been whisked away.  My heart is renewed...  my mind is spinning with opportunity...  my soul is whispering a new song...